You might not know when it started. Perhaps one of your siblings was a rebel and you had to be good. Perhaps a parent, or parents needed someone to look after them and you took on the role, even though you were still so young. Or perhaps when you were sad or upset or angry, your parents dismissed you, punished you, or worse. You learned that at home, you had a role to play, and you played it without complaint. Underneath that, perhaps you might have wondered whether your parents’ unconditional love came with caveats.
And, I’m wondering if that carried over into school. Or maybe that’s when it started. Perhaps it was threatening, or at least it felt like it. You learned that popularity, or at least being liked, could protect you. Perhaps you did what you were told by the teachers, or the students. Perhaps you were the class clown. Either way, you had to get the approval of your teachers and peers. Your survival depended on it.
And now as an adult, you can’t seem to stop. You don’t quite know where you end and someone else begins. A friend suggests Thai for dinner and you say yes, even though you don’t like it. You’re always going to their house, they never come to yours. Arguments with your partner always seem to end up with you apologising. You can’t stop taking on more at work. You can’t prioritise yourself if someone else needs you. You must be exhausted.